Family Reunion
by Booshy
Summary: Vince and Howard are in trouble. But this time with their families?


The Mighty Boosh - Family Reunion

By Christina Mayer

_Knock at the door Vince answers._

Vince: hey Howard post arrived. There's one for you and one for me.

_Hands Howard post_

Howard: Thank you. _(Starts reading post) _Hold on, it's from my mum and dad, they are coming to stay!

Vince: great I can finally meet the people who made you so boring. (Rolls eyes)

Howard: who is yours from?

Vince: Dunno I haven't opened it yet, (opens post reads it looks shock / amused) as it happens from my family too. They are coming to stay as well!!

Howard: (looking alarmed) when??

Vince: next weekend, why?

Howard: my family's coming then! Our families hate each other!

Vince: oh yer.

_Flashback - Howard and Vince are 13 and its Vince's birthday, Howard and Vince are watching TV or playing with something in the background. Howard's Family are talking with Vince's Family, Howard's mum insults Vince's mum, starts fight ending in Howard and Vince being taken away from each other. _

Howard: Oh No, oh no what are we going to do? If our families know that we live together then it's the end for both of us, they'll split us up again! No more concerts, no more nabootique, no more big eyes small eyes. What are we going to do?

_Vince slaps Howard._

Vince: look calm down, there's gotta be something we can do, hang on I know why don't I ring mum and say that they can't come that week cos we got people coming round to inspect the flat and then why your parents stay I'll say I'm someone else they surely won't reconise me!

Howard: Oh I don't know, how wills that work? My mum will flip out just at sight of Bollo!!! And my Dad will keep arguing with Naboo about the different places of the universe...

Vince: Yer, why again?

Howard: He's a geography teacher. But anyway what happens if your mum doesn't buy it? Or when she comes she asks what work we had done.

Vince: Look don't worry, I'll work it all out.

Howard: Okay, okay. Hang on what about Naboo, he said no visitors staying over night!

Vince: Hmm, I don't know how I'll fix that one. I'll have a talk with him, see what I can do.

Howard: Okay, go to it sir, yes sir.

_Vince goes to see Naboo, knocking on Naboo's door, he enters to see Naboo packing a suitcase._

Vince: hey Naboo, what going on? Why are you packing?

Naboo: Me and Bollo are going on a three week shamanistic team building tour, something the head shaman came up with. (_Rolls his eyes_)

Vince: Okay. When are you going?

Naboo: Friday 13th till Monday 3rd November. You are going to be alright with the shop and everything right? No parties or visitors okay? Or you and Howard will be out.

Vince: Okay, cool you boots you bombarclark.

Naboo: Good anyway, me and Bollo are being picked up at 12 tomorrow, so I need to finish packing and you need to get back to running my shop. _Pushing Vince out of the room._

_Vince goes back down to the shop to see Howard._

Vince: Howard, great news, (looks around) Naboo happens to be going away for the next three weeks.

Howard: That's brilliant, where is he going?

Vince: On this Shaman team building thing, just a posh phrase for getting pissed together for three whole weeks!

Howard: Very funny how's that gonna help us?

Vince: Hello? You're meant to be the clever one, basically while Naboo's away we can have our families round and at different weeks since he is going for three weeks!!

Howard: oh right. Hang on who is going to come round first? You family or my family?

Vince: it better be yours my family will just trash the place.

Howard: oh good point if my mum saw this place trashed she definitely remember you.

Vince: yer and your family will tidy up so my mum will think that we have had to work done, that'll be great.

Howard: Right well, you better ring your parents and ring mine and say my friend Jacob Black is staying with me...

Vince: Jacob Black, JACOB oh come can't I have a better name? Like Vincent Black? Why do I have to have a boring name?

Howard: Vincent Black, it's too similar, and you'll have to change the way you dress, you'll have to dress in suits, because your gonna have to be normal like me or my family will reconise you.

Vince: Suits, just the word brings on panic attacks. You can't do this to me.

Howard: I'm sorry Vince but you will also have to pretend to like jazz.

Vince: No way, no way Howard. If you make me do that then you'll have to be like me for my parents. What do you think of the name David Numan? Named after two of my heroes.

Howard: Fine I can live with that, just don't expect me to listen to the music, or dress like you...

Vince: Well you will have to listen to the music, I mean there's gonna be a party every night, but I'll have to find some stuff in my wardrobe that'll suit you. (Looking Howard up and down). I think purple with demonte trim; yes purple is definitely your colour.

Howard: Fine bring it on.

_Week one - Howard's Family enter._

Howard: Good morning Mum, Dad this is Jacob Black, he runs the Jazz club with me.

Vince: Morning Mrs Moon, Mr Moon.

Mrs Moon: Good Morning Jacob, You look like someone I used to know, no it can't be.

Mr Moon: Oh be quiet darling, good morning Jacob. What's the capital of France?

Vince: ermm Paris?

Mr Moon: Brilliant, I like a man who knows his capitals. I like Paris; it's where Howard's mother and I met. Shame though, the French has no fashion senses.

Vince: Excuse me (_Pulls Howard to the side) _if he means that he is dead, Jean Claude Jaquette is french!

Howard: I know, but remember you don't like fashion.

Vince: Okay this is killing me though; I can last just a weekend.

Howard: Fine, just be quiet and act like me.

_Vince and Howard go back to Howard's Parents._

Howard: So how is Uncle Terry? Still working at Stansted?

Mrs Moon: Yes he is, its how we got down here, he got us free tickets on the plane here.

Vince: How long are you staying for, I don't mean to be rude it's just we have people coming round to inspect the house on Monday, and we are normally not allowed visitors staying over night.

Howard: Vince... I mean Jacob.

Mrs Moon: Oh don't worry darling, we're only staying till Sunday, and as a bonus we'll help you tidy up for those smelly council people.

Mr Moon: Come on let's leave the boys to run their Jazz world.

Mrs Moon: See you later Jakey.

_Howard's Parents leave, going upstairs._

Vince: Jazz World? What the hell is that about? And why is your mum hitting on me?

Howard: Jazz world, I told my dad that's what the Nabootique is, in real life. And my mum is not hitting on you, she's just over tired from the journey, she has never got on well with flying.

Vince: I wonder why, she was probably chucked off for hunting down all the cabin crew.

Howard: That's it you'll be looking after her all weekend, you went too far.

_Mr Moon comes down._

Mr Moon: I'm just going out for a bit, Howard, come with me, we need to catch up. 1200 hours, let's march.

Howard: See you later _Jacob._

_Howard and his dad leave. _

Vince: _See you later Jacob_, I'm so going to make his life hell when my parents stay round.

Mrs Moon (calling from upstairs): Howard, darling are you there?

Vince: I'm afraid he isn't Mrs Moon, Howard and his father has gone out for a walk.

Mrs Moon: Okay Jakey, maybe you can help me then, I need you to help me get in to my dress,

Vince: Hold on there's someone who needs help unloading some stuff outside, I'll be right back.

_Vince runs out the door._

_Howard and his dad come back._

Howard: Jacob, Jake are you there? Typical he's run off to the Jazz club round the corner, never can stay away, he loves his jazz.

Mr Moon: Oh well, I better go check on your mother.

_Mr Moon, heads up stairs._

_Howard finds note Vince has left for him._

_It says:_

_Howard, I've had it, your mum came on to me,_

_Ill be at the velvet onion if you want me. _

_I'm not coming back, until they are gone._

Howard: typical oh well better go find him.

_Vince is at the velvet onion, Bob Fossil is there and they are dancing together when Howard walks in._

Bob: And that is why I don't want to miss a thing, oh hey Moon, what do you want?

Howard: I want to talk to Vince, it's really important, he needs to come back.

Vince: Uh oh, I'm not coming back, not with your mum there. She's like a pumpkin nightmare.

Howard: Take that back, that's my mother you're talking about so take that back.

Vince: I'm not taking that back I'm leaving it out there, so your family will see and leave.

Howard: maybe its not them that needs to leave, maybe you should stay here sir, with you little dance partner.

Vince: Fine I will, have fun with the jazz freaks.

_Howard storms out slamming the door._

Vince: Right Fossil why don't you like cricket?

_Next scene, Howard's parents are leaving. _

Mrs Moon: It's a shame about your friend Jacob, I really liked him, and he was quite funny. I hope its tidy enough for your inspection tomorrow. Love you darling, I'll see you soon.

Mr Moon: Right come on we have a plane to catch, you boy, go find your friend make sure he is alright, or I'll come at you, like a beam, like a ray, at night like lightning its frightening.

Mrs Moon: Oh come on!

_Mr and Mrs Moon get into taxi and drive off._

_Howard goes off to the velvet onion to find Vince once again._

Bob Fossil: Oh look who it is, Harold Moon,

Howard: It's Howard, anyway is Vince here?

Bob Fossil: Hold on. OI VINCE!

_Enter Vince_

Vince: Howard! What are you doing here?

Howard: well, my parents have gone and I thought you might want to come back to the flat. What are you doing?

Vince: I'm working here now, in the gift shop as well as a support slot for all the acts playing.

Howard: Come back to the Nabootique, your parents are coming tomorrow, you gotta get me some clothes.

Vince: you were serious about that?

_Vince and Howard leave velvet onion still talking._

Howard: Yes now come on. Oh and Vince, sorry about mum.

Vince: Oh don't worry, its alot worse working here, with Fossil, he never stops dancing.

Howard: I still can't believe my mum fancies you of all people; I mean she hates your mum.

Vince: I know, I guess although I hated the jazz look it kinda suited me, BUT I am never wearing that rubbish again! Now it's time for me to get my own back, I was thinking, David Numan, or Gary Bowie? Which one do you like?

Howard: Very funny, I'll have David Numan. But what am I going to wear?

Vince: Don't worry, while your parents were staying I went to Top shop's emergency department, it's perfect for northern jazzy freaks like you, anyway, I got you a jacket and boots, which should suit you perfectly...

_Ten Minutes later - in the shop - Howard is dressed in a purple and silver jacket with black trousers and silver boots._

_Vince is holding a shaver._

Vince: Oh come on Howard; shave it off, that moustache makes you look at least a hundred, and anyway my parents would reconise you easily with that tache! You even had it when you were younger.

Howard: No way, my tache is staying, and I don't look a hundred I'm only 33 for heavens sake. This moustache has sentimental meaning, like you said I've had it since I was 5!

Vince: fine, but don't blame me if my mum starts coming at you with shavers!

Howard: Okay, what do you want to you do? Cos I'm not shaving this off.

Vince: Hmm, hang on I have an idea, get upstairs.

_Vince looks at camera an winks - fade out - next we see Howard's moustache has been dyed purple._

Howard: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, What have you done? My tache, you have ruined it!!!

Vince: Relax, its temporary dye it only lasts a week, anyway it suits you!!

Howard: I'm going to kill you, you're so dead, you do know that don't you.

_Vince runs off Howard chasing him._

_Next scene Vince's Mum and Dad are at the flat door, Vince answers_

Vince: Mum, Dad cool to see you!

Mrs Noir: It's cool to see you to, I like what you have done to the flat! Is that Gary Numan down in the cupboard down in the shop?

Vince: Yes, How... I mean David my friend is his younger brother and David dared Gary to stay there.

Mrs Noir: wow, how long has he been there?

Vince: ten years now.

Mr Noir: Never mind that when do we meet Gary and his brother?

Vince: Well you can meet Gary's brother now. David? Dave? You there?

_Enter Howard._

Howard: Hi, I'm David Numan; it's nice to meet you.

Vince: _(whispers to Howard) _Not so polite Gary was never polite and you're his brother!

Howard: What, okay. Come you two O.A.P's get you wrinkly butts into the front room.

Vince: Not that rude. _(To his mum and dad) _Sorry about David, he gets a bit over excited with Gary being his brother. _(Rolls eyes)._

Howard: Shut your mouth.

Vince: Anyway come in!! I'll give you a tour!

Mrs Noir: Good idea sweetheart, I want to see what work you had done to the flat.

Vince: Sure, I think you'll like it.

Vince: _(Whispers to Howard) _Thank god your parents cleaned.

_Phone rings._

Vince: David can you get that? David? Oi David _(throws pillow at Howard)_

Howard: What? Oh yer sure _(Picks up phone) _Hello? Hello? Hmm must have rung off. Wonder who that was.

_Scene shows Naboo slamming down phone, Head Shaman is being carried off in a carpet ambulance._

Harrison: Hold on Denis, trust you to fall off your carpet on the egg and spoon race!

Naboo: Bollo, no one's answering at home, we better head off home since the rest of the holiday has been cancelled.

Bollo: A whole week cancelled because of a guy that can't drink and drive, I got a bad feeling about this!

Harrison: What no booze on the ambulance? This is an outrage!

_Back to the flat, Mr and Mrs Noir are out having already trashed the flat._

Howard: look at this place, thank god we have another week until Naboo gets back, if he found out he would kill us!

Vince: Hey guess what Howard, I got that girl's number, you remember the one which came into the shop the other day and said she would like to go out with us someday. And I rang her and she said she would ring back in a minute.

Howard: that's great, I'm gonna talk to her she liked me best,

Vince: I think you'll find she liked me best!

_Phone rings, Howard and Vince fight to answer it, fight ends in the phone being broken. While they were fighting Mrs and Mr Noir come back and stand in the doorway, Vince and Howard don't notice them._

Vince: You idiot Howard Moon, how is she going to ring us now?

Mr Noir: Howard Moon? Howard? Moon? As in the son of the girl who insulted your mother.

_Howard and Vince turn round, _

Vince and Howard: Crap.

Mrs Noir: Oh My God, it's him, how dare you be here and impersonate David Numan just to get close to my son, come here. _(Starts hitting him with her bag)_

Vince: Run Howard.

_Howard runs for the door and straight into Bollo._

Naboo: what the hell is going on here?

Vince: Hey Naboo! Look why don't you go down to the shop with Bollo as these two are customers who were waiting for you to help them.

Mr Noir: Vince, what are you saying? _(To Naboo) _Hi I'm Vince's dad, are you one of his friends?

Naboo: No I'm the owner of this flat. What the hell are you two doing here? _(To Vince) _I said no overnight visitors!! That's it; I'm going to have to turn my back on you Vince.

Vince: It's not just me Howard had his parents over too!

_Mrs Noir has got hold of Howard and is trying to strangle him._

Howard: It's true!!

Vince: Mum let go of him.

Mr Noir: Let go darling, looks like Naboo will sort him out.

Naboo: Bollo hold Vince and Howard

Mrs Noir: No not Vince he was forced to do this by Howard Moon.

Naboo: I'm turning my back on you two.

_Naboo turns back on Vince and Howard._

Vince and Howard: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Naboo: Now get out, all of you.

Howard: What come on Naboo, Naboolio? This is our home, you can't do this.

Vince: Yer Naboo, it's against our rights, we signed a contract saying we can live here forever.

Naboo: Vince, you knew this would happen. Although if you do something for me you can stay.

Vince: What do you want?

_A week later, Vince's Family has gone, Vince and Howard are acting as slaves for Naboo, Vince is wearing an Apron over his mirror ball suit. Howard is sitting on the sofa with Vince taking a break. Howard is covering his moustache._

Vince: I didn't Naboo could be so evil, I had to wash his feet and you know he never wears shoes? He stepped in dog crap today. Also I can't believe it, our families were tricking us the whole time, and they had been meeting up for ages planning this little stunt!! Hang on why are you covering your moustache?

Howard: _(Takes hand away his tache is dyed purple still) _Naboo made me dye it purple permanently!

Vince: Oh well it looks good, I'm glad I gave him that idea...

Howard: You what? That's it, your dead!!

_Starts hitting Vince with pillows - fade out - next we see Naboo._

Naboo: Never mess with Naboo. I'm Naboo that's who and you better watch out.


End file.
